"Just because you're struggling doesn't mean you're failing". –Jason Manford
When I see a client for the first time I will ask about the problems they've been having, such as depression or anxiety, and then I want to know how they have coped so far. Very often they tell me they are not coping AT ALL. Or they will report they're coping by doing stuff they know they shouldn't be doing, like using alcohol, sleeping all the time, or using food to feel better. They feel guilty, sad, and like a failure.
However, as we talk further, I discover that they actually have some decent coping skills, but they don't realize it. First of all, depression WANTS you to feel like a failure, that way you'll stay depressed! Often my clients will know what they need to do but they don't know how to do it. Often they are blaming themselves for things that are not their responsibility, such as not getting along with someone important in their lives—sometimes the problem is the other person! Sometimes they are using coping skills that worked for them earlier in their lives, but they don't work now.
I help my clients appreciate their efforts to cope with depression or anxiety, and to learn new ways to cope. They begin to see that they are doing the best they can in a bad situation. I help them take concrete steps to take better care of themselves or to set limits with someone in their lives.
They are soon able to think of themselves in a more realistic and compassionate way.When they are able to do this it’s like a huge weight has been lifted from them-they literally look lighter and brighter!
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