It’s almost Halloween, so let’s talk about something that’s REALLY SCARY--Saying “No”.
Yes, you heard that right. How is that scary? It’s when we dread a call from that person who is always talking us into doing something with them or for them. We say “yes” when we really don’t want to do the thing, and then we kick ourselves for falling into their trap again, and we’re resentful toward them for even asking!
But if we do manage to say “no”, we feel guilty (and maybe they really know how to push that guilt button). We feel like we have to have a good reason for saying “no”, but it can’t be that we just don’t want to do it--that would be selfish! It has to be something out of our control like lack of time or gas or something. The problem is, when we give a reason like that, they always seem to have an answer for it. So it ends up that we just don’t want to talk to them at all!
But there’s a better way. It starts with changing our thinking about our right to say “no” to others-it’s okay to say “no” sometimes! And then learning the words to use to say “no” in the most skillful way. This is called assertiveness, and I get pretty excited about this topic because I had to learn how to be assertive-I didn’t learn it growing up. It can take a little practice to be able to say “no” when we want to. But if we learn how to say “no”, it’s not so scary to pick up the phone when that person calls.
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