What’s NSO? It stands for Negative Sentiment Override. Identified by John and Julie Gottman, it’s a fancy name for a process that happens with some couples where one or both start thinking more about the negative things in the relationship than about the positive things. It might take the form of starting to focus on the mistakes the partner makes or their negative qualities. We may even start thinking negatively about something we originally liked about them! And we tend to stop thinking about any of their positive qualities.
We can forget why we even married this person in the first place.
Thinking more about the flaws in the relationship than the good things leads to a decrease in the good feelings between the couple over time. It’s actually a very serious sign that the relationship is in trouble and may lead to divorce if not corrected. NSO does not fix itself or just go away-you have to actively address it.
Some ways to fix NSO (or prevent it in the first place) include consciously turning our attention and thoughts to things the partner is doing right or qualities about the partner that we genuinely appreciate. This can be very difficult if you’ve been on this NSO slide for a while. Reach out if you think your relationship may be in NSO and you need help turning things around.
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