Adults don’t need parenting! Yes they do. Your adult children need you almost as much as they did when they were minors, but just in a different way. Sometimes we feel like our parenting is over when the kids are grown, but that is far from the truth. We can even feel like we don’t have a purpose anymore when the kids are grown. But there are reasons why we live so long after our children are grown-one of those reasons is that they still need us.
Here are some tips to improve the relationship with adult children:
#1 Set appropriate limits with them.
Don’t let them take you for granted for babysitting or money or a place to live. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t help them in those ways if you want to, just make sure that they respect you by asking and saying Thank You and doing their part. It’s good if they know that you have a life after they are gone from the house.
#2 Be a sounding board.
Listen when they want to talk about a problem, but don’t tell them what to do unless they ask you specifically. Even then, maybe don’t tell them what to do. Help them figure it out by exploring their options (even if you already know the answer to their question).
#3 Understand that they will not always follow your advice.
Don’t have hurt feelings when this happens. I once had a young adult client whose parents accused her of disrespecting them when she didn’t do what they thought she should. She respected them just fine, she just didn’t agree with them in all things.
Which leads us to our next tip--
#4 Let them fall down.
Fight your urge to protect them. I think the hardest thing for a parent to do is let their adult child fail at something. But failure is a great teacher.
#5 Tell them when you’re proud of them. This means so much, even to an adult.
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